Three Reasons Why Madonna Will Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

So a few days ago I was thinking about Zombieland. I don't know why, but I was. If you've never seen Zombieland there's a moment in the movie where Bill Murray shows up playing himself. He's survived the zombie apocalypse and is living in his mansion, relatively safe from the threat of the undead. This got me thinking about how the average celeb would fare in the event of a zombie apocalypse. On one hand, they've got plenty of resources and connections, but on the other hand they can be a bit pampered and soft. Of course any given celebrity's odds of surviving a zombie uprising would depend on their individual characteristics. Bear Grylls is significantly more equipped to deal with such a scenario than Ke$ha, for example. I had all this stuff running through the back of my head while I was reading my friend El Lobo's Madonna-heavy blog, which made me ask the question, "How would Madonna do in the event of a zombie apocalypse?" Well, I've done some thinking on the issue and I think that, given her disposition and attitude, Madonna could emerge victorious over her undead foes. Here are three concrete reasons why:

1. She is in prime zombie fighting shape
As she informed us via a rap in her song "American Life", Madonna is fond of doing yoga and Pilates in rooms filled with "hotties". While it is doubtful that there will be many hotties left alive come the zombie apocalypse, Madonna's training regimen should prepare her for life in a more hostile world. Plus, look at those arms. She's got zombie killing arms, my friends. With her special yoga training and muscle bound physique, one could picture Madonna engaging a horde of zombies in hand-to-hand combat, similar to the kung-fu priest in Dead Alive.

2. She has a strong personality
Don't get me wrong, strong and forceful personalities can sometimes be a detriment in situations like this. You push too many people around and sometimes they'll push back. So while I'll concede that Madonna's strong personality could lead to conflict in a zombie infested world, such a personality certainly has its advantages. Check out this classic Youtube video. See how she immediately starts barking out demands? That's totally a perfect demeanor for a leader of a group in a crisis situation to have. It may not be diplomatic, but you can't argue that such tactics get people moving and get stuff done. When Madonna demands that you find her a zombie killing shotgun, you do what she says because, well, who else are you going to turn to? Everybody else is a walking corpse at this point so you really have no other options.

3. She has the power of music!
If the Japanese movie Wild Zero taught us anything, it's that the power of rock 'n roll can be incredibly effective against a shambling horde of undead. And while Madonna's poppy dance songs may be a far cry from the distorted guitars of Wild Zero's Guitar Wolf, she's still got a musical soul nonetheless. They say that music soothes the savage beast, so perhaps Madonna's voice is really all that's needed to turn zombies away from human flesh.