Ramblings on Writer's Block

Hi how's it going?  Actually don't answer that, let me tell you how life is working out for me instead.  Remember back a few months ago when I did that post entitled New Year's Resolutions which was about (obviously) my goals for the year?  Well I figured it was time to update y'all on how that stuff was working out for me.  To make a long story short what you need to know is that I'm on pace with everything except for my blog postings.  In regards to my blog I must say that I am dreadfully behind on my posting quota.  And now to reiterate that point with a needless amount of extraneous details: I'm 20% done consuming my book and film quota for this year (I've watched 101 films and read 10 books this year so far), yet I am only an abysmal 10% through with my goal of posting 100 blog entries in 2012.  Which means I've got to put the pedal to the metal, so to speak, if I want to finish my blog posting goal for the year.

Why should this concern you, my reader(s)?  Well, if I'm gonna keep posting and getting my count up then that means I'm going to have to become less particular about what kind of stuff I post to my blog.  Truth be told I felt for my friend El Lobo when he described going through a writer's block on his blog in his latest post.  In the immortal words of Juan del Lobo, "Hey, sorry I haven't been posting. I was distracted by a new Tumblr account, which didn't turn out to be as fun as I thought it would be. Also, I was suffering the consequences of a mild mental disturbance, to quote Middlemarch, in that I had a bad bout of writer's block."  Yes, my friend, I am with you one hundred percent.  I too have been neglecting my precious Zombie Baby in favor of other pursuits, some of which are rather legitimate (such as writing my midterms, launching Zombie Baby's sister Tumblr blog, reading a motherfucking book or two), and others which are possibly less legit (for example, consuming copious amounts of TAB and watching Danity Kane videos from back in the day).  And yet what all this comes down to is that I just haven't been posting recently.  And when I get out of the posting groove I tend to get rusty and develop a writer's block a la Guido Contini in Nine.

Nine

And being that I've established quotas for myself I'm just going to need to push past this block and start throwing stuff against the wall to see if anything sticks.  Which means that I might start posting more weird, pseudo-posts like this one about how I can't think of anything to write about (yes, I really have just spent 400+ words to communicate that I have nothing to say...see what I did there?)  But don't get me wrong now I do have a handful of ideas for future posts, it's just that a lot of my ideas are kind of lame.  I mean, I'm not gonna start posting some irredeemably vapid shit about award season fashion don'ts or what have you, but I will let you know that I may be posting some more conceptually tepid material.  But it's for my own good.  I feel that it's all too easy to avoid writing by simply telling myself that I have nothing to say, but that's not true. Again to refute this claim I'd like to direct your attention to this post, in which I have devoted a hefty block of text to a virtually non-existent subject.

Forgive me for rambling.  What I mean to say is simple: in the future I would like to take an active stand against writer's block and to be a more productive blogger.  And let's start here.  BANG, another post to add to the finished pile.  See?  Who says writing needs coherence and purpose?

The Way You Love Me: Musings on Fandom and Faith Hill

For your information I don't like the music of Faith Hill.  This kiss, this kiss, this fucking kiss!  Okay girl we get it, now shut up.  That said, the woman's music is ubiquitous.  It has been playing in the background of my existence since what seems like forever.  Nary a year of my college life has gone by without a sort of unprompted serenade from Faith herself.  Her songs are played with tedious repetitious consistency in movie theaters, restaurants, malls, and radio stations all across mainstream America.  Like the black plague in the middle ages, her music is unpleasant and difficult to avoid.

Or at least all of this is how I once thought.  But the thing is that over the years I've developed a sort of ironic appreciation for certain aspects of Faith Hill's music and persona.  Now, I hate to use the word ironic simply because of its hipster connotations, but it's true.  On a gut level songs like "The Way You Love Me" don't make my soul soar.  OK, to be fair on a gut level I find most of Faith's stuff to be vaguely annoying at best.

But that's cool with me because, truth be told, I enjoy hating on Faith Hill's musical output.  This isn't as negative or mean-spirited as it sounds.  Look, the joy I get from bitching about the latest Faith single blasting out into the public sphere is legit.  It is pure unadulterated happiness.

And the reason why such whining is so delightful to me is, I think, because I'm a fan.  I will illustrate what I mean by way of an example.  OK, so a few years ago Faith Hill had a song entitled "All I Ever Wanted" that played at the end of a mediocre Katherine Heigl romcom called Life As We Know It.  Both the movie and the song contained within basically offended every aesthetic sensibility I had.  Everything that I held to be valuable in art and entertainment was obliterated by these crass commercial products.

And that, in its own weird way, was a great thing.  If I didn't have stuff like Faith Hill's Breathe album to mark as the enemy it would make everything I like a little less valuable.  It is commonly thought that the joy in fandom comes from heaping praises onto your favorite artifacts or creations.  But I think another, equally essential, part of fandom involves marking and embracing things that offend your sensibilities.  You can't really know what you like until you know what you dislike.

Three Reasons Why Madonna Will Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

So a few days ago I was thinking about Zombieland. I don't know why, but I was. If you've never seen Zombieland there's a moment in the movie where Bill Murray shows up playing himself. He's survived the zombie apocalypse and is living in his mansion, relatively safe from the threat of the undead. This got me thinking about how the average celeb would fare in the event of a zombie apocalypse. On one hand, they've got plenty of resources and connections, but on the other hand they can be a bit pampered and soft. Of course any given celebrity's odds of surviving a zombie uprising would depend on their individual characteristics. Bear Grylls is significantly more equipped to deal with such a scenario than Ke$ha, for example. I had all this stuff running through the back of my head while I was reading my friend El Lobo's Madonna-heavy blog, which made me ask the question, "How would Madonna do in the event of a zombie apocalypse?" Well, I've done some thinking on the issue and I think that, given her disposition and attitude, Madonna could emerge victorious over her undead foes. Here are three concrete reasons why:

1. She is in prime zombie fighting shape
As she informed us via a rap in her song "American Life", Madonna is fond of doing yoga and Pilates in rooms filled with "hotties". While it is doubtful that there will be many hotties left alive come the zombie apocalypse, Madonna's training regimen should prepare her for life in a more hostile world. Plus, look at those arms. She's got zombie killing arms, my friends. With her special yoga training and muscle bound physique, one could picture Madonna engaging a horde of zombies in hand-to-hand combat, similar to the kung-fu priest in Dead Alive.

2. She has a strong personality
Don't get me wrong, strong and forceful personalities can sometimes be a detriment in situations like this. You push too many people around and sometimes they'll push back. So while I'll concede that Madonna's strong personality could lead to conflict in a zombie infested world, such a personality certainly has its advantages. Check out this classic Youtube video. See how she immediately starts barking out demands? That's totally a perfect demeanor for a leader of a group in a crisis situation to have. It may not be diplomatic, but you can't argue that such tactics get people moving and get stuff done. When Madonna demands that you find her a zombie killing shotgun, you do what she says because, well, who else are you going to turn to? Everybody else is a walking corpse at this point so you really have no other options.

3. She has the power of music!
If the Japanese movie Wild Zero taught us anything, it's that the power of rock 'n roll can be incredibly effective against a shambling horde of undead. And while Madonna's poppy dance songs may be a far cry from the distorted guitars of Wild Zero's Guitar Wolf, she's still got a musical soul nonetheless. They say that music soothes the savage beast, so perhaps Madonna's voice is really all that's needed to turn zombies away from human flesh.